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The books from LoveAndRespect.com are very practical advice on marriages. Here is my notes on the book Love and Respect.Love and Respect
- quotes Gottman's result often
- Man needs respect, women needs love, like air they breathe.
- Focus entirely on this single verse, with many anecdotes.
- Yet it may be the most practical marital enrichment program I have come across.
Part 1. Vicious cycle: less love, less respect.
- Let whoever is more mature in Christ take the first step.
- Unconditional love, unconditional respect.
- Society and church has focused on love, but little on respect. The imbalance caused men to withdraw.
- This book showed practical steps both men and women need to take.
Part 2. Energizing cycle:
Men to love women: COUPLE
Closeness, Openness, Understanding, Peacemaking, Loyalty, Esteem
- detailed and specific suggestions.
- Women confront to get close.
- "That sounds disrespectful. Am I coming across as unloving?"
Women to respect men: CHAIRS
Conquest, Hierarchy, Authority, Insight, Relationship, Sexuality
desire to work and achieve, to protect and provide, to serve and lead, to analyze and counsel, shoulder-to-shoulder friendship, sexual intimacy
A marriage needs her intuition and his insight. Women intuitive too much overboard in our society. Need to curb self-righteousness.
Answer to women who resist this book's messages:
- think of how you wish your sons to be treated
- to imagine how he feels when he doesn't get (sex, respect, ...) what if you don't get your (intimate talk, being loved, ...) ?
Much like Laura Schlessinger, this book courageously talk to women about owning up to their share of the problems, pointing out that the societal wrongs are all men's problems, while women's sins are often overlooked as "issues".
Summary: p260
COUPLE:
- accept her need to talk and connect with me
- share my thoughts with her, not resisting her efforts to draw me out
- try not to fix her problems
- willing to resolve issues
- tell her she is the only one
- let her know she is important to me, I can't do without her
CHAIRS
- support his work and endeavors
- appreciate his protect and provide
- support his leadership
- not depend on my intuitions only
- be there with him
- satisfy him sexually
Part 3. The Reward Cycle
- In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse, but everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ
- My response is my responsibility
- inner freedom develops greater maturity
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